I spent my Spring Break (yes, I still have the luxury of a ‘Spring Break’) in an almost catatonic state on the island of Koh Lipe. There was the one moment of excitement – a slightly harrowing trip across 60 miles of open ocean in tin can speed boat (picture screaming, engine failure and vomiting into plastic bags) but otherwise the week was blissfully uneventful. Beach life became a rotation of swim – eat – nap – read – swim – eat – nap – read – swim – eat – nap – read ….Repeat….
As an aspiring beach bum, I have seen some very nice ocean-meets-sand locations. This includes but is not exclusive to places such as; Mexico, California, Peurto Rico, Italy, Spain, Greece, Turkey, Thailand, Malaysia, Borneo, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka and the Philippines. That’s a lot of white sand and turquoise vistas for a 26 year-old. Based on some extensive experience and thorough research, I can now easily determine the success of a beach vacation by the following set of criteria:
1. Can I see my feet clearly while standing in waist-deep water?
2. Are there minimal numbers of neon-speedo clad Europeans and greasy Aussies wearing beaters that spell “Good Guys go to heaven, bad boys go to Pattaya beach”?
3. Is the sand soft and sit-able yet firm and walkable?
4. Does the sky colour match the Ocean?
5. Are there hammocks?
6. Do I lack the motivation/necessity to shower frequently and put on makeup?
7. Does the salt-to-water ratio of the ocean maximize floating?
8. Is the temperature warm enough to encourage swimming but discourage sweating out all your sunscreen?
9. Is there some greenery to contrast the blues?
10. If there has to be restaurants and shops, are they locally owned rather than jumbo sized resorts?
For future beach bumming success please weigh all beach options against said criteria. If the answer is yes to 8 or more of the above points your probably in for some good beaching.